Can't believe that It's been three years!!!

01:30 A.M in the morning, all of a sudden my eyes opened, it was November 11 Th, i kept my hand on the other side of the bed; to see whether he is still near me or not! He was there.I went into the flashback...

July 22, I saw him for the first time when i was opening the door. He was standing outside his Balcony, wearing a maroon color t-shirt, and a black color shorts, was exercising. I turned back and saw him looking at me and my heart skipped a beat.I felt weak at the knees and just couldn't control my feelings towards him. I felt, it was love at first sight! we met each other through some common friends.The first time we went out to Rome around in the city, i was walking ahead of him, trying to look for few things. All of a sudden he came and stood in front of me. And said silently in my ear, whispering" I Think I love You".I could just look into his eyes saying, this is what i always wanted to hear and you have said it... without even thinking ahead started loving each other. The first time when he touched my hands, i felt as i am meant to be with him.The first time he kissed me, i felt he is the only, and only one for me.The first time we made love, and i opened my eyes in the morning, he said "Now you are a married women-you are married to me" and i smiled and went to have bath. When i think of those words, my body becomes cold and still!!I can still feel the sensation.

Love is actually such a strong and powerful emotion of all.you just fall for someone and can't imagine your life without them.Its an amazing and true feeling. isn't it?? 

Love is something that makes you laugh in tough times, and cry in happier moments.Love is the magic in the air, you just need to feel it.Love is the same like the kid's innocent smile.You just feel like loving love..

Time went by we became one soul and it was unimaginable for my heart to beat without his existence.I remember once when i was out of town and met him after few days, he was standing a mile away from me, with his hands wide open and expected me to run and hug him tightly.I regret for that moment because i was worried about people and did not hugged him.He went inside the house, little upset and questioned on my love. That was the day when he started maintaining distance from me.I managed somehow and asked him to trust me.And he did.

I still remember when we used to hold our hands in public, and slowly giving an indication that " you are near me, still i miss you Baby" and tried to be together in every moment of the day.I can still feel that thing..

Today is November 11, and we are still together.we know each other, i know he is with

me in every moment of life, i know our souls will be together today, and forever.I know our love will grow and become mature, I know we will love each other more than yesterday and less then tomorrow.I know his hands will be there to support me, i know he will wipe my tears when i will cry.

And most importantly- I know he won't leave me and go!!!!I know i am a habit for him.and he is for me.our love is so strong that no one can depart us from each other.No one!! No One!!!I believed we are meant to be together.And only death can apart us, just to start a new beginning.

It was 03:30 A.M, I woke him up, he asked what happened??

I said " IF ONLY i had one day left in my life and that is the last day..i would like to

spend it with you and would love to die seeing your face with the beautiful memories of our love.He said don't worry baby i am here. I am with you always.

09:30 A.M i opened my eyes he was not there, I looked for him in the house, he was not there.I ran towards the balcony to see if his car still there, it was not there. I thought may be he went to buy something for me.May be he had some urgent work in the office and will give a call saying"Baby i love you so much".May be he went to bought a wedding Gown for me, so that we can be together always.May be...May e...May... Waited and waited.I called him, he did n receive. I tried again and again and again!!!! I kept trying- the voice on the phone said= The number you are trying is out of coverage area.I got still, my body stopped working.I coudn't eat, i didn't slept for many days, i immensely lost weight.My condition was horrible and miserable.My friends were worried about me and doubt that can i even be back to normal.. My mind said he left me, but heart still trusted him.

Huh!!! I still trust him.Can't believe Its been three years, when i still trust him. I do miss him but i have learned to stay without him.Not even one day when i have not thought about him.The first thing i think about in the morning is Him.The first thing when i get dressed up is about what he liked!! The first thing when i am in a restaurant in what he would have eaten if was with me.The first thing i go for shopping , i for him.My life is his. I don't know where he is, i don't know what he is doing. But he can't steal what he has given to me.

Still can't believe its been three years!!!!! BUT it has.

And i am celebrating November again!!!

Isin't it weird!!

These days i guess is a big problem with me.Now you will say its nothing new,but jokes apart..I start judging people from the day i meet them and will keep judging until they leave and go!!I just wont trust them.I just don't have anything to talk to people.I just don't feel like i am capable of doing what others are doing.I just don't have anything new left in my life.I just don't want to enter any new relationship because of what i suffered in the prior one.I feel like staying alone-with me,myself and no one around.I always feel like listening to traumatic songs that of course makes me feel more traumatic.ha!.

And then you know what? at times i decide that okay ! now it more than enough.Enough is Enough..ehhhh Now its time to get out if this breakdown that has been a curse for me.Its time to get out of the hell where i stay. Its time to tell it to him that you F***** just get out of my life..now and for forever.And yes please Do not show me your face again.I hate seeing you. I hate myself when i hear about you.I want to tell him that you are no more alive in my life.That you are just no more ! like i say "I have burnt myself to burn you. and that ash is no more in my life".I wanna say it to him that everything is done between you and me.

I want to!!I want to!! I want to!!!! But as soon as i get up, i will just sit on my side of the bed and will think over it again and again and again and agai...ag..and a....huh!!!! And i will be like okay let me just wait for him the last chance..i realize that omg what was i going to do. i love him. and i DO..how can i leave him.How does it even matters whether he is with me or not.How does it even matters whether he still does or not? how does it matters whether he treats me like a shit. i know i am not, i know i did not do anything wrong. I am true to my feelings. i did not lie like he did to me.. know a bit weird but what to do, as i said life is about experiencing and that i what i feel had made me like this.

Its not only me to experience this, but many other in this world who are going through the same situation.At times it feels as if what can be done..huh!!! i mean what exactly can be done so that when we get the other morning we can be the way we were before when we met someone special who ruined are thinking power!!!!

But what keeps me going is my experience.I experienced and i am sure also you must have that:

- we remember someone with whom we met 10 years ago or may be 15 years. That person may be in your school or college or somewhere in your coaching classes.But ain't it weird that we don't remember someone with whom we were in love a few days or months or an year back?

-We remember someone who ditched someone you know or may be someone with whom you were closed with. But ain't it weird that we don't remember someone whom we ditched?

-We remember someone whom we helped in their tough times, whom we cared for when they were sick and couldn't walk. But ain't it weird that we don't remember someone who cared for us when we were going through tough times in like, when we were suffering from people's word?

-We go to a person who hurt us again and again, who disrespect us, who let you down whenever you ask them something. But we don't bother about them whom we hurt, disrespect and made them feel miserable about their life and relationship.

The above mentioned are just few situations were we and the other do wrong.what i wan't to convey here is what you do with others will come back to you. As the song says : "ITS ALL COMING BACK TO ME BACK". If you are going through the same thing just don't worry, do not panic and start crying for what has happened to you., Be strong, give some time to yourself, and Do Not Go Back to someone again who hurt you!!! Forgive them but do not forget them.

what is more important in life is to trust yourself, Believe in yourself, and you will be out of what you are going through. I know not at all easy to come out of the break down but we can accept it. we can accept that the person is not gonna come back. we can accept that the person even if comes back will repeat the same thing again. will hurt you again. will torture you and make you feel more miserable.

so whats the point in dragging such relation where the other don't respect you. the other don't feel through what you are going through.

The only thing that can be done is realizing what he has done to you.And deciding on it that you will never ever look at him, that you will never ever talk to him even if he does.accepting that this what life is.

accepting that there are other things to focus on. your career, your family, the things that you wanted to do but couldn't because of going through that trauma.

That doesn't mean to be alone. Remember " Being independent does not mean not to need any one " Talk to people , allow them in your life . make them a part of your life.The more you will allow people, the more happier you will be.The more self worth you will develop.

Rest all leave it on time. Time is the strongest asset that will evade your feelings and will bring back to what you were and not what you are.

Being apart from you isn't easy..

Being apart from you isn't easy... I find myself missing you so often, in so many ways... but even though we can't be together right now. gentle thoughts of you fill my days and dreams of you fill my nights... No matter what I'm doing, I know it would be so much nicer if I could be sharing it with you... I keep imagining things you'd say if you were with me now, or the way you would laugh if something funny happened, and next thing I know, I'm daydreaming about all the things we'll do when we're together ... Although the miles come between us now, I still feel so close to you, and I just keep hoping For that the day when we Can be together because I want you beside me to talk to, to hold, to love.