Oh common, stop the talks please!!!

Alright, I think most of us must be aware of why this blog post is for. Nothing else but the girl who died after gang raped brutally, fiercely, and ruthlessly by five young man, or six I think, sorry it should be seven including the driver of the bus. Young handsome looking guys who wanted to have fun and fulfill their desire (now what desire is it we all know that) saw a girl, a beautiful girl and there that was the prey they were eyeing for. After raping her inhumanely they inserted a long rod (WHAT!!!) in her vagina( HORRIFYING!) and then what do you expect after that? They flicked her out of the bus.

I am Beautiful!

Hello Behenji, one of my so called friends said, everyone knows who is more beautiful and more fashionable okay. So please don't try to act smart and look at yourself. Also she added you have nothing else to do in life other than just TRYING hard to be more fashionable and that you can never be. Also posting pictures on Facebook to get attention is the only thing you can do. I was listening to what she said, and cried secretly in my room. I couldn't tell anyone as I thought I am so not beautiful to fit in this world. 

gOD IS writing my Love stoRY..!

Fiction*****Fiction*****Fiction

Sooo it does not matter to you if I stay in your life or not?  Asked him looking into his eyes. My eyes were red, swollen, and just like a patient's eyes- very tired. Trying to avoid my question he said.." Oh, i think she is waiting for me at the coffee shop. I need to go". I repeated (this time aggressively)" It really does not matter to you..I can see it". He shouted saying "why do you keep asking the same question again and again, just like a kid. Don't you get it...I am not interested in you. I looked at him, a kind of stared. My eyes questioned him again. "Then why did you love me a month back, why did you make all such promises when you were not sure of them? Why did you say? I want to know. Why?" I kept asking him and got down in his feet, asking him to take me back. Tried holding his hands, tried to calm him down, thinking that things may work. He pushed me back with force, it hurt-ed a bit. Threw my hands away. Walked out of the apartment within a second. I was devastated. I was broken into pieces. I looked at him for the last time, he didn't turn back. Shut the door with force, it made a kind of noise..(thakkk)I was sitting on the floor, don't know when i fell asleep. It was dark all over, was not aware of the time. Lying down on the floor, eyes open, tears rolled down my eyes; I tried to looked at the door sometime if he is coming. 

BOL.....

Wow! was the word that came out after i watched the movie "Bol" suggested by one of my friend.My thank you is not enough for suggesting me to watch this movie.Although the movie was released in the June of year 2011, I didn't made an effort to watch it then. I thought it would be a normal and "As usual" movie with some love story and a happy ending. But, but believe me friends this post is just to tell you all guys to watch this movie once in a life time. A WORTH worth watch movie with concentrating on various social issues going on in the world. I have no words left to describe the movie.

I am not a film critic or a commentator, but this movie really touched me in many ways. It made me believe in myself, as a person. This movie forced me to respect my own self. This movie forced me to respect the people who are not like us. The issues that this movie brings up and the way they are dealt with people around can really make a great impact on the society. The movie is thought provoking, topical, and the performances given by the cast is amazing in its own sense. The message that this movie brings up is considerable, important, and should be followed by every individual in the society.

"Bol" is a pakistani movie written and directed by Shoaib Mansoor. Before i watched this movie, I always used to think that movie's produced in Pakistan would not show the transsexual born kid, or the place of Kanjars or say prostitutes( Its the place where girls sell their body to get money), or a father killing his son because he is transsexual, or the girl murdering her father because he killed his transsexual brother. I never thought they will  show a father going to a prostitute, just because he don't have money to feed his family. The way movie flows really takes you into the situation. Again this movie also tells you that, you have to understand that girls are to be treated with respect.

One of my favorite scenes in the movie is the one where the transsexual boy gets raped by people, and when he comes back home his father kills him because he was embarrassed by him. The way Zainab (the main lead character who got hanged to death) and Hakim (The father) acted in the movie is commendable.

Hats off to the director, producer, actors and people of pakistan for bringing such an amazing script in the market. Just hoping that after watching this movie people would respect others and treat everyone equally. It's better late than never. Please please guys do watch this movie. And yes..I am not a film Critic for sure...;)

I would just say that every individual should watch this movie. If you are a fun loving person may be this movie is not for you, but if you are looking for some awesome acting, story, lesson, and a great picture then this movie is a must for you!! May be this movie can make your weekend a good one!:)

http://www.putlocker.com/file/669312EB3F7E5694# ............. Link for those who want to watch the movie.


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Being a Woman is not that fun!

           

Being a woman is not that fun but the fact is , a woman is a woman. …

The one who brings joy in a family, that is a woman,
who makes the home feel complete, that is a woman,
when she smiles, makes you laugh. That is a woman,
 A day without her, is boring and dull. That is a woman.


Being a woman is not that fun but the fact is, a woman is a woman. …


Smile in tough times, that is a woman,

Sacrificing herself for others, that is a woman,

Strong like a diamond, that is a woman 
soft like a petal that, is a woman.

Being a woman is not that fun but the fact is, a woman is a woman. …


A support when needed, that is a woman,
Standing next you, always, that is a woman,

Who teaches you to love, that is a woman,

Who makes a home and gives a family, that is a woman.

Being a woman is not that fun but the fact is, a woman is a woman. …

Makes your life perfect, that is a woman,
Does things for you, rather than for herself, that is a woman,
Is always confused but tries to show you the way, that is a woman,
Does silly mistakes but focuses on being perfect, that is a woman.

Being a woman is not that fun but the fact is, a woman is a woman. …


A woman is been used, is treated like hell,

A woman for few is just a thing to play,

A woman is no one but specie to have fun with,

A woman is just a bitch to make a deal with.
A woman is disrespected by many,
Many don't want a woman to be born. 


They don't want to give birth to a Woman,
A woman if born, is killed by many.
without realizing they are losing a daughter, a sister, a wife, and most importantly a mother!


How can you kill a mother? How can you kill a girl who is the future!
A woman is not just a woman, but a specie who is supposed to be treated equally with men!
A woman if born should be celebrated and not buried. 
A woman should have the right to be given birth in this world!

Although being a woman is not that fun but the fact is, a woman is a woman. …

She smiles always, but she has a heart that cries!

Being a woman is not that fun!

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BeYoNd Death!

Note: This article is just my imagination and thoughts. It is no way written to hurt somebody's feelings or appose somebody's thoughts.

Lying on the floor, all alone, saw people standing in front of me, in fact, people surrounded each side of my body. They covered me with a white sheet, i didn't like it at all. People were crying because i won't come back in their lives again. I saw my family looking at me, consoling each other. If one started crying the other was trying to make them strong. Yes, i was dead. People saw me as a dead body with no life. Looking at them i thought i was not supposed to leave them at this point of time. They wanted me back, they wanted to touch me, they wanted to talk to me, they wanted to feel me. They were holding my hands and crying, shouting, blaming god for everything. They were blaming god for taking me away from them. People who came were asking for reasons; what happened?, how did it happened? Why this happened? Where this happened? and with whom it happened. Listening to them my soul was laughing, thinking " People do follow the 5 W's always". Coming back to reality, that i am dead, i tried to be serious. Although they can't see me but i was able to see them. I was just dead as my body couldn't work, i was not physically there but I could see everything, i could see every action happening in the room. I could see the haphazardness.

I was alive. My soul was alive, active and still young. I could not understand why these people could not see me. I was standing next to my mom, of course not physically. Looking at her, i tried touching her, I tried to tell her that i am with her no matter what happens. I wanted to tell her, that although my body does not exist anymore, my soul is still alive. I wanted to tell her that i will be in this home with her forever. But could not. I realized the only difference between being alive and dead is the physical existence. As my physical existence was dead, they could not see my soul. The kidney was not pure, heart was not pumping, blood was not passing through the veins as it should have been. The parts were dead and so i could not survive. Everyone in the room were silent, looking at me.

I was the celebrity of the day.They gave me the utter attention of the world. People who never came to see me where consoling my parents saying " Don't worry, everything will be fine". "It happens" they said. Hm..I thought who are they? I never saw these people in my life. I wish if they would have met me when i was alive. The attention, the love that they are showering on me, if, they would have showed me when i was alive. I wish if people would have told me before that they love me, if people would have told that they admire me, or if they would have once told that i am a important part of their life. Now when they are crying, i want to talk to them, but i am dead. I am no more physically present. When they are coming to see my dead body how does it matters to me? I can't thank them, I am not able to hug them, or love them. I wish if we would have met when i was alive.

Coming out of the thoughts in my own world, I saw people were making me ready for the funeral. I could not believe that i am no more alive in this world. I was in a different world of liveliness, away from fear, away from hurt, away from anger, away from lies, and away from the eagerness to find someone or achieve something. I realized i am no more a person who have to prove to the world about my existence. I was no more a person living for money, i was a spectator who can see the happenings, but could not react or could not talk, or could not interact anymore with people. I could not advice, i could not help, or i could not contribute anything to the world. I was just a spectator.

Walking down the road, on someone else's shoulders, while I saw the last time, where I spent my life, the memories rolling down in front of my eyes. Neighbors house where i used to run for anything , the temple where i used to go with my father, the trees that me and my mom brought when i was a kid and we grew them in front of our house, the shop where I used to go to bring some groceries, and the "Rathore Ice cream wala" from whom I used to buy two scoops of ice cream everyday with cherry on top. In no time they burned me. I was no more in this world existed physically. But I was alive. I went back with my mom as a soul, just that this time without expectations, and without any give and take relationship! I walked back holding her hands, which she didn't knew. I was not dead, but my body was. I think that's why we say people never die, they are with you, and they are watching you if you are happy or not. If you are sad they are sad as well, and if your happy they are happy with you. Remember they only difference is, "They are the spectators and not the players anymore".

Missing you in me!!

I questioned myself always. What is love? How does it feel to be in love? I never believed in love and I thought love is just the waste of time. Love is nothing but an emotional support, a need that people have. Love, I thought, is just something, like a name given to a relationship. Love was just a four letter word that is most highly overrated after the Fuck word of course. Love love love. . .I used to be crazy when hear that people are in love and are going crazy for it. The day I met you things changed. I think I was in love with you.

I loved talking to you. You were the first thought in the morning and were always there on my mind. You were the person I ever thought of being with. If I didn't see you for a day, I felt incomplete. At times it was difficult for me to breathe, it was difficult to cry, to laugh, to eat, to sleep and everything that is sooo easy to do otherwise. When you didn't talked fora day I cried, I cried out loud, without being aware of the reason. I think I was afraid of losing you. I think I was worried about losing you. I think I was worried that what if you don't call me the next day. My heart wanted you always, it urged for you always. I was going crazy for you.

At times, I used to be in my thoughts, listening to one single number playing in my ears. Listening to the favorite line. And the words that make me feel your presence. It went on and on and on. . .I was awake whole night, I was awake always, I wanted to be with you always. I wanted the sleep to fly away so I can think about you. When it rained. . .I thought if you were here. . .If you were with me. . .I would have played with raindrops, splashed them on your face and would have run away. You were with me when it rained. When it was cold. . .tooo cold. . .I saw you holding my hands, walking on the street, with dim lights, chilled chilly breeze. . .I was freezing, so were you. But I just saw you and nothing else. I reached home in no time. It was difficult to say good bye. But you left. I was awake, the whole night, thinking about you, thinking about the weather, thinking how beautiful the world is, thinking, just thinking something, not wanted to go to sleep and everything that is sooo easy to do otherwise.

I felt different, I felt a different person, I felt I am an angel, I am an angel to love you, I felt you are a saviour to save me from this world, and make me yours. I felt different. I never felt that before. I felt, I felt I am a bird who can fly the world, I felt like a kid, so pure and innocent, I felt like the rose water that makes you feel fresh, I felt like a rose, I felt like a petal . I was a rose. I felt so human. I was in love. . . Oh God. . .I was in love. I could feel the summers, the sun, the moon, the breeze, the wait, the love! I could feel the love! Yes, I was in love! I was happy, I was laughing, I was dancing, I was singing, I was going crazy, I was jumping, I was playing, I was imagining. 

I was in Love!! I was in love with you!

I dreamed you and me. I dreamed US. I dreamed about us. Yes I saw you and

I saw me. . .

I saw us walking down, I saw us together, I saw us playing hide and seek, I saw us in the moon, I saw us in the sun, in the trees, the leaves, in the pictures, I saw us in the future!! I saw the home, I saw the kitchen, I saw the love. . .I saw more love. . .and love. . .only love. . . because I saw us! Wow. I saw you and me. I was in love. I was dancing, I was singing! I danced all over the place, I danced myself. I was excited to see you the next day. I was excited to tell you that now I can be you and you can be me and we can be us. I was excited, still singing and dancing, dancing all over the place.

By that time a warden comes to the room and says to me,‘Hey mad girl, he is no more. He died. Why do you keep repeating the same thing every night? God, your generation kids are really crazy. Come, eat something, you haven't eaten for two days, even you want to die or what?’

What? I told the warden at the Asylum. I said he is coming to pick me up. He is coming in no time. He will come for sure, and I cried and cried. I cried. I still danced, I clapped, I called your name. . .’Aryan, Aryan. . .Aryan. . .

Aryan, I wish I could have told you how much I loved you. Why didn't you take me with you? Why did you go alone? I wish if I could have let you know.. that my life begins with you and ends before you.

I miss you in me. I am missing you in Me!! But Aryan I promise. . .if I meet you the next time . . .I won't cry.. I promise. . .I will listen to you. . . I promise, I will receive your call always, and will reply to your text. I promise Aryan I won't be angry at you, I promise I will eat at the restaurant you like, I promise Aryan, I won't leave you . I promise! I promise everything, except the fact that I can't stop loving you. Because  I love you.

I am missing you in me!!

P.S: Dedicated for people who are in love. This is dedicated to people who lost their loved ones before even letting them know that they were loved by you. 

This is just for love. Just say it out to people whom you love. Love needs to be expressed. Love is the life, believe me it is!

The BreakUp.....Yes the Breakup!!

"Promise me you will never leave me!" He thought for a while and said "I promise, I ll be with you forever." With a child look i said "But i am scared what if you leave. I am scared if i will ever be able to live my life without you. I am scared to see the way relationships are breaking these days. I am scared." Holding my hands, trying to calm me and make me fell good he gave a kiss on my forehead, looking into my eyes he said " Baby you are my life, how do you expect me to live without you. You are my morning and my night end with a thought of yours. You are the sunshine of my life, you are my every breath. How can you think i will be able to breath without you? His words made me feel a lot better and comfortable. I let me head to relax a bit on his shoulder. He led down his head on mine. It was breezy and the most perfect weather for the night. We were sitting next to the marine drive in Mumbai. One of the most romantic places to spend time with your loved ones. I looked at the water, that was touching my feet. Sun was setting and moon was rising up. Few kids were selling heart shaped balloons, few were selling roses.Looking at the sky, balloons were flowing in the air, I don't know when did i fall asleep on his shoulder. He kept holding my hands.

I my sleep, i went into the flashback. I loved someone else before i met him. He was my life. He was the one i trusted the most in this world. I loved him, i cared for him. He was my first love. He taught me how to fall in love. He promised me everything in life, he promised he will never leave me alone in any time of my life. He promised me he will stand by me forever until death do us apart. We were in love crazily and i thought it is forever and ever. He was the one who taught me how to trust someone...and he was the only one who taught me that never trust someone so deeply that if that person leaves you you should not be able to live.

One fine day, We were sitting just like this in front of the ocean, i was holding his hands, and i found him somewhere lost. I asked him what's wrong. He answered saying " Hm..nothing, just thinking about something" .I joked around and said " that's fine. you can tell me if you love someone else. I won't mind". He looked at me and asked " Will you be able to live without me if i won't be there in your life anymore?". I knew he was kidding me back. I said yes of course. I know nothing is forever. I am an independent women and i can take care of myself. But one thing is sure that i won't be able to fall in love again, because i love you sooo soo much. No one in this world can take your place. I asked him " Will you be able to live without me baby? You won't leave me ever i know. "I trust you' i said" I trust you more than i trust myself. I know you love me and you will never leave me alone. He was quiet for sometime. I was quiet. We were looking at the water, i felt life needs a way. I wanted him to tell me that he want to marry me. I wanted the relationship to stay forever. I knew he was the one for me. We had been together for long time, almost Six years.

I realized someone is waking me up. Oh it was him. Tear rolled down my eyes, and he said what happened. I am with you forever. I looked at him with eyes full of dreams, thinking yeah " That's what he said - I ll be with you forever baby, I won't leave you ever and look what he did to me."I talked to myself.

We took a auto to go home. He dropped me home and left. I started crying, crying out loud. I still couldn't believe that he left me. I was devastated. I wanted to kill myself for trusting someone so much. How stupid i was to think that people do what they say. How stupid i was to think that people always fulfill their promises. He left me in middle of the road after making all such promises. How, how damn stupid i was. I didn't realized then that he stopped calling me as often he used to. I just didn't noticed that he was not that excited to meet me like in the beginning. How stupid i was think that he was busy all the times, even when i used to be free for him always. Huh....i was in love..it was my first love. I loved him from my heart, and my mind was not working. First love always gives you pain, because then you are innocent of the consequences. When i walked down the empty streets, trying to call him and set things correct, he was happy in his life and was falling in love. He asked me to move out of his life and not to create any issues in front of the person he loves. It seems he didn't wanted to hurt her and the family.

I never thought i will be in love with someone else. Falling in love was as if i am cheating on someone. Infact i never wanted to trust anyone, i didn't wanted people around me. I wanted to be alone, all alone. I wanted to be with myself, not talking, not doing anything in the world, not going out. Listening to the sad songs, being more sad. I tried everyday to make things right, but i didn't realize that if someone does not love you, you just cant force to love him back or to fall in love. Love is something that comes from heart, and his heart didn't beat for me. I was idiot, i was a moron.

Splashed water on my face and tried sleeping. Thinking He is no more in my life, I hate him. Door bell rang. "At this time?" i wondered. Opened the door. What are you doing here? you went home right? He said" No, i couldn't go home. Wanted to ask something. I said yeah say. He continued "Its your birthday today and i wanted to ask if you love me then can we spend our whole life together? Can we get married? My parents are coming tomorrow. I want you to meet them. "Sure" I said. It's not the end of my life. Its the beginning. And i need to move on.

I thought what people say is true " If it's not forever, it not at all love".

P.S.: A breakup is not the end, but the beginning of a new relationship, with yourself and with someone else who love you more than you ever thought. A break up is something that makes you realize your own worth and how important is trust in a relationship.

A break up is the beginning and not the end for sure.
  
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Will you be mine? Forever?

I didn't realize that i was with him last night until i got up from my sleep and splashed water on my face the next morning. Trying to find the towel to dry my face i looked at him. He was in deep sleep. I thought not to disturb him and go back home. But my heart didn't allow me to do that . I could just admire his innocent face, just like a kid. I sat next to him, waiting for him to get up. He turned around and took my hand with an unconscious mind. Oh i thought i disturbed him in his sleep. But fortunately he was not awake. Ah i thanked god. Silently moving out of the room i turned towards the kitchen. I never thought a guy can really have a well maintained cooking area in the house. He did told me that he cook everyday without the question mark. I was astonished when he said that because being a girl i have feel lazy many times to cook for myself. The reason he cooks is, he thinks if he can learn now he will be able to help his ' Wife' when she will be super busy or not well. I was impressed by this thought of his. I have usually seen my brother cooking as well with my mom. hm. refrigerator was dumped with fruits, few bottles of beer, and some carton of milk. Within a second, while i was looking into the stuffs in the fridge, he was standing next to me, i turned and he gave a look. Not bad, but the love kind of look, the eye to eye talk happened for a second,that usually happens between two people who are in love. They do talk eye to eye, well how? Haha it just happens without you being aware of it. He hugged me and gave a kiss on my forehead. 


Giving a sign as to go out of the kitchen kind of, he dragged me out and asked me to sit back and relax. Yes, he was preparing the early morning breakfast. What else could i ask for. 


I went out of the kitchen as he didn't allowed a blink to stand there. Well, there was a small balcony kind of in his house, where he had a small gardening area. He managed it well. The sunlight was falling on the small plants he had, all were really beautiful and full of life. There was a small Container fitted with a long neck, usually with a rose at its end, used for sprinkling plants. I thought of reducing his work load a bit by watering the plants. I took the container in my hand, filled it with water from the tap, and started the mission. I felt sooo good. A voice came from inside, You don't mind cheese right? I said' hm.. oh no not at all, go ahead'. I assumed something yummy is gonna come in front of me. I looked in front of the house.There stayed a family.. I guess the mom was asking her kids to get ready soon as it was time and they were already late for the school. As usual there was a small kit kat going on between the husband and the wife that the husband don't take care of the kids like she does. Ah..old story i said to myself and diverted my mind to Aryan. Oh ya Aryan. When i say the name my body freezes, and becomes cold and still. 


Finally after a long wait i decided to peep into the kitchen, as it was quiet from almost passed ten minutes. I was about to turn and he was standing there. Oh my god why do you always come like a ghost i said to Aryan. Taking his hand holding his ears said, I am sorry. Come lets have breakfast. Its ready?!! Tan Tana...making some sort of sound he said, yes princess it is. I gave a smile, and he said Ah..you can drive me crazy. This time i laughed out loud and sat on the Dinning table. okay soo what special have you made today,  i peeped into the vessels. Wow!  My favorite 'Gobi paratha with hell lot of cheese ' I exclaimed with ecstasy.hmm alright let me taste it. Stop! he said the word with full meaning. What , whats wrong? I forgot something. What is it Aryan.? I asked patiently . Just wait and don't try moving your ass he said. Okay, okay..i won't.  


Looking at the breakfast he cooked for me, i was extremely hungry and wanted to grab. But as he said Don't move, i was waiting for him to come. I saw him running inside his room and heard the voice of opening the wardrobe. Making some kind of sound..acting to sing something..hmm naaa laa na na na na naa...I was looking around the house. Suddenly I heard the voice, It was Aryan. He was down on his knees with a ring saying ' Will you be mine forever'. I was standing still. He asked again ' okay, let me ask it clearly. Will you marry me' ? I looked at his eyes, so soo expressive; i could feel the love pouring out of his heart. I realized i am among the lucky girls who actually gets the love of their life. I couldn't believe he is the same Aryan who has dumped me for other girls and when the girls left him, he came back to me. I know i was stupid to talk to him again but what to do. I loved him still. Coming out of my thoughts I said ' Whispering in his ears; I said...


I said 'hmm..well..No, i can't'. 

If he would have not dumped me days back i would have surely married him. But i don't trust him anymore and i am sure i have taken a wise decision..Atleast i won't go through the same pain again because that is true..'Once a cheater always a cheater'. If i would have given him one more chance to hurt me, then i would be at fault. Without saying a word i left the place! I was happy for what i did. I was happy that i was strong enough to take that decision. I was happy i realized my worth. 

Why can't you love me? I asked myself.

I called him.He didn't receive. I called again, and again. and again. Well how many times, it was more than 100 times i guess for today. Messaged him infinity times , no reply. I asked in my messages, to call him back atleast once. Just once, I wanted to listen to him for the last time, I wanted to talk to him for the last time before everything was over. Before our path takes the other way, and we depart from each other forever. But i tihink he was not even bothered about that one call or message that i was expecting from him. Waiting for his ONE call, Standing in the balcony, evening seven thirty it was, tried calling again. I knew he won't receive. I left the message again. Leaning down the left side walls on the balcony, the walls were wet as it rained sometime back. Looking down towards the local market that was rushed at that time, as people were buying vegetables for dinner. I thought the days back when he used to love me crazily. Why things changed? why his feelings changed for me from what they were back then. I just had a question why?    

I talked to myself :

what's wrong with you Aryan? Why are you not talking? I am the same, you are the same, then what changed? Why can't you love me now, like the way you used to do?

Why don't you like going out with me, remember those days, when we used to take your bike, and just go on and on, without knowing where to go.?

Why don't you come with me to have tea, 20 kms away, in the small village, the road side shop, just to spend time with me?

Why don't you call me again and again, to ask if i am gonna come home with you, having dinner, and coffee at Barista?

Why don't you care for me, when i am sick and not well, like you used to take leave from office, just because i had fever, and was alone at home?

Why don't you ask if i reached office safely, or if i am tired of work and need a break, to spend time with you?

Why don't you hold my hands, or say ' I love you' like you used to do all these years?

Why don't you like spending time with me watching Tv. or doing nothing, just sitting and sipping coffee and talking non sense, still laughing on every talk?

Why don't you message me at four in the morning, saying you can't wait to see me the first thing in the day?

Aryan, why don't you write silly poems for me, and sing some stupid song like:

Pal Pal Dil Ke Paas Tum Rehti Ho
Jeevan Meethi Pyaas Yeh Kehti Ho 

Pal Pal Dil Ke Paas Tum Rehti Ho

Well, a very famous hindi song from the Movie Blackmail) " Why  Aryan?

Why the wasting seconds doesn't matter to you now, when earlier, you never wanted to waste them and utilize in seeing me every-now and then.

Why don't you lie to your friends now, that you can't come out with them because you have stomach ache and how you used to run, so that they don't catch your lie. How we used to keep hiding from going to the places where they can visit.

Why did you dreams changed, the marriage, and how you wanted me to wear the Red color Indian Tradition Attire?

Why don't you want our kids to be the Doctor and the engineer?

Why don't you have fear of losing me, why , why? Why are you letting me go soo easily, when you used to say..Amy i will never let you go from my life. and i said ' let's see' , you challenged, and said ' Let's see babay, you are gonna lose it this time'. Well, i thought you are gonna win and i lose. They why Aryan?

I just want to know Aryan, why don't you love me? Why can't you love me ?

In the meantime i realized i have a message on my cellphone. .

It was from Aryan. and you know what did he say " I don't have any answer to your questions. But to be frank, i don't feel for you anymore. I don't get that love feeling somehow. you are a good girl, and i am sure you will get someone better than me. I know you are matured enough, to come out of it!.and Please Move On. That's all i can say."

I think he meant, Move on, Move on with the tears i have given you, move on with the sadness, the emptiness that i have gifted you. Move on, move on with something that can never happen.

I asked Myself again, The never ending question: Why can't you love me, Aryan?  Why? ? ? and the tear rolled down my eyes!

P.S.: Guys, Aryan is just a name i am using it to represent a person. It does not hold anything to anyone personally. 

Can't believe that It's been three years!!!

01:30 A.M in the morning, all of a sudden my eyes opened, it was November 11 Th, i kept my hand on the other side of the bed; to see whether he is still near me or not! He was there.I went into the flashback...

July 22, I saw him for the first time when i was opening the door. He was standing outside his Balcony, wearing a maroon color t-shirt, and a black color shorts, was exercising. I turned back and saw him looking at me and my heart skipped a beat.I felt weak at the knees and just couldn't control my feelings towards him. I felt, it was love at first sight! we met each other through some common friends.The first time we went out to Rome around in the city, i was walking ahead of him, trying to look for few things. All of a sudden he came and stood in front of me. And said silently in my ear, whispering" I Think I love You".I could just look into his eyes saying, this is what i always wanted to hear and you have said it... without even thinking ahead started loving each other. The first time when he touched my hands, i felt as i am meant to be with him.The first time he kissed me, i felt he is the only, and only one for me.The first time we made love, and i opened my eyes in the morning, he said "Now you are a married women-you are married to me" and i smiled and went to have bath. When i think of those words, my body becomes cold and still!!I can still feel the sensation.

Love is actually such a strong and powerful emotion of all.you just fall for someone and can't imagine your life without them.Its an amazing and true feeling. isn't it?? 

Love is something that makes you laugh in tough times, and cry in happier moments.Love is the magic in the air, you just need to feel it.Love is the same like the kid's innocent smile.You just feel like loving love..

Time went by we became one soul and it was unimaginable for my heart to beat without his existence.I remember once when i was out of town and met him after few days, he was standing a mile away from me, with his hands wide open and expected me to run and hug him tightly.I regret for that moment because i was worried about people and did not hugged him.He went inside the house, little upset and questioned on my love. That was the day when he started maintaining distance from me.I managed somehow and asked him to trust me.And he did.

I still remember when we used to hold our hands in public, and slowly giving an indication that " you are near me, still i miss you Baby" and tried to be together in every moment of the day.I can still feel that thing..

Today is November 11, and we are still together.we know each other, i know he is with

me in every moment of life, i know our souls will be together today, and forever.I know our love will grow and become mature, I know we will love each other more than yesterday and less then tomorrow.I know his hands will be there to support me, i know he will wipe my tears when i will cry.

And most importantly- I know he won't leave me and go!!!!I know i am a habit for him.and he is for me.our love is so strong that no one can depart us from each other.No one!! No One!!!I believed we are meant to be together.And only death can apart us, just to start a new beginning.

It was 03:30 A.M, I woke him up, he asked what happened??

I said " IF ONLY i had one day left in my life and that is the last day..i would like to

spend it with you and would love to die seeing your face with the beautiful memories of our love.He said don't worry baby i am here. I am with you always.

09:30 A.M i opened my eyes he was not there, I looked for him in the house, he was not there.I ran towards the balcony to see if his car still there, it was not there. I thought may be he went to buy something for me.May be he had some urgent work in the office and will give a call saying"Baby i love you so much".May be he went to bought a wedding Gown for me, so that we can be together always.May be...May e...May... Waited and waited.I called him, he did n receive. I tried again and again and again!!!! I kept trying- the voice on the phone said= The number you are trying is out of coverage area.I got still, my body stopped working.I coudn't eat, i didn't slept for many days, i immensely lost weight.My condition was horrible and miserable.My friends were worried about me and doubt that can i even be back to normal.. My mind said he left me, but heart still trusted him.

Huh!!! I still trust him.Can't believe Its been three years, when i still trust him. I do miss him but i have learned to stay without him.Not even one day when i have not thought about him.The first thing i think about in the morning is Him.The first thing when i get dressed up is about what he liked!! The first thing when i am in a restaurant in what he would have eaten if was with me.The first thing i go for shopping , i for him.My life is his. I don't know where he is, i don't know what he is doing. But he can't steal what he has given to me.

Still can't believe its been three years!!!!! BUT it has.

And i am celebrating November again!!!

Being apart from you isn't easy..

Being apart from you isn't easy... I find myself missing you so often, in so many ways... but even though we can't be together right now. gentle thoughts of you fill my days and dreams of you fill my nights... No matter what I'm doing, I know it would be so much nicer if I could be sharing it with you... I keep imagining things you'd say if you were with me now, or the way you would laugh if something funny happened, and next thing I know, I'm daydreaming about all the things we'll do when we're together ... Although the miles come between us now, I still feel so close to you, and I just keep hoping For that the day when we Can be together because I want you beside me to talk to, to hold, to love.

LIVING IN A FANTASY WORLD..

A day will come when storms will fall

lighting will be dark and heavy on every call

on someone who never expected and recall

at this point i am talking of a person

who flirts and flirts and flirts

he lives in his own fantasy world

or should i say he has many small worlds

with different existence,not knowing which world is his own real world

because he is living in his own fantasy world

Fantasy world sounds so beautiful for him

carrying different set of families where ever he goes

as many as affairs which are more than his number of teeths

he don't care about others words,emotions or love

because he is living in his own fantasy world

wanting to satisfy himself through every means he can

fighting with you every now and then

wanting you to behave as per his conditions

showing that he is the most beautiful person in this world

or "GOD'S GIFT TO MANKIND"

After a huge big fight that you thought is never ending

coming to you and saying that I LOVE YOU

saying no one is as beautiful as you are to me

the voice minggles in your heart

as if he is the only one for you,the angel of your life

because you dont know,he is a flirt

he lives in his own fantasy world

remember he don't care about you

he is selfish needs you for some purpose

knowing how to extract everything out of you

without giving something in return

because he lives in a fantasy world

Each activity of his will have a purpose

an indefinite purpose

that you will never come to know

because he lives in his own fantasy world

he will never hide things from you

will tell every truth of his life,every bad phase of his life

to convince you and made you fall for him

Remember the truths that he is telling has some purpose to solve for him

because he lives in his own fantasy world

one fine morning,as all the other days

you wait for him at your doorstep

he don't come,you message him,he don't reply and you call and call

After waiting hours you loose your control

you go to his doorstep,knock,he don't open

remember he is living in his own fantasy world

he don't

he won't

and will never ever open the door

you will cry,you will beg,give your heart,fell down on your knees

asking him to talk to you

asking him to tell you the reason for his behaviour

he won't

because he is living in his own fantasy world

He will throw you out of his life

lock the room and will say,

you were never ever of my type

he says that was temptation and not love

he says we were never in love

and he says i am already committed and i can't hurt her

i know his words are taking your soul away

your heart has stopped beating

you just want to be alone,not trusting anyone

i know you feel like killing yourself

because you loved him and you thought he loved you too

but he lived in his own fantasy world

Storms have fallen,lighting is heavy,darkness on every side of your life

don't worry,don't cry,don't beg

he won't come

the purpose has been achieved

and you will never come to know the target

because he is living in his own fantasy world

he has many worlds

he is in his own fantasy world...